“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
-A quote wrongly attributed to Marilyn Monroe and a phrase that is used worldwide to make woman feel better about themselves when they believe they are not good enough.
Can we all please try to get a firm grip on reality?
Most people don’t deserve you at your worst either if truth be told. Recently I wrote into the group chat to discuss what could be described as a painful and unsuccessful exchange and one of my extremely kind friends said: “he probably couldn’t handle you, so he doesn’t deserve you.”
Why do we need to be handled?
Are we incapable of handling ourselves?
And why are woman constantly questioning why they are the way they are and whether or not that is seen as acceptable in the eyes of men?
In my all-time favourite movie, Julia Roberts stood in front of Hugh Grant and softly declared “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”
My issue is with the use of the word just, why is she just a girl? We have come so far, in so many ways yet we are still telling little girls that they are”just” that.
Lana del Rey, my most favoured performer soulfully serenades her fans with questions that strengthen this mindset…”If I get a little prettier, can I be your baby ?”
Why are women being told that they are made for the sole purpose of gaining appreciation from men for their aesthetic beauty as opposed to the essential building blocks that make them who they are like their smarts or their sense of humor or their politics or religion?
Women are being told that they should behave a certain way to attain this adoration and if they fail to do so, they are deemed as un-hot and un-cool and not apart of this elite group.
Nicki Minaj;”Yes I’ll be your woman, Yes I’ll be your baby, Yes I’ll be whatever that you tell me when you ready. Yes I do the cooking, Yes I do the cleaning, Yes I keep the nana real sweet for your eating, Yes you be the boss yes I be respecting.”
One group tells us one thing, another tells us another but at the end of the day, I do not want my baby sister to grow up thinking that she will only be successful if boys can”handle” her.
Donald Trump said of former Miss Universe Alicia Machado; “She weighed 118 pounds or 117 pounds and she went up to 160 or 170, so this is somebody that likes to eat, And it was a real problem. Not only that, her attitude, and we had a real problem with her.”
When Alicia Machado defied society’s view on how a woman should act and look, she suddenly became too much to manage. What does it say about the society that we are living in when a presidential candidate is both fat shaming and racially assaulting a woman who didn’t meet his expectations?
We’re living in a generation of situationships, whether you’re in a platonic or a romantic relationship, both parties should not be handling or tolerating one another. Bonds should be based on an unconditional level of respect.
No male or female should feel that they have to portray themselves in a certain way, in fear that others will think that they are too much to manage, whatever their perception of their personal best or worst may be. No person should constantly question why they are the way they are in fear of judgment.
We should be as quirky or vanilla as we choose. We should look how we want to look, dress how we feel best illustrates our personality, pursue our dreams and never be just anything other than just ourselves.