Week 11: The stages of lockdown

Welcome to week eleven. I think an adequate amount of time has now passed so I can make judgements on the various stages of lockdown.

Here is my definitive list, not at all based on my own experiences. (Based entirely on my own experiences.)

The “this is actually grand” stage

At this point, we’re only a few weeks into our new normal and we’re saying things like “you know maybe this is a great time for us to all slow down and take stock.” “We could actually gain some really valuable learnings from this.” “This is a great time to hit the restore and reset button, you know?”

During the “this is actually grand” stage, you are likely to have bought some home workout bits but you’re keeping the receipts because you don’t suspect this will be like, a thing.

Self-care is becoming too oversimplified – The Cord

The reflective stage

A few weeks have passed at this point and you’re starting to get a little existential. To be honest, you have too much time and not enough sensory stimulation.

You’re brain is starting to sound a little like Mark Corrigan’s brain. You are questioning your existence. You are trying to keep busy via baking, tagging people in 5Ks with suspect run duration times and annoying people you live with in the hope of stirring up some drama in your life.

Fellow CasualUKers, what's the most Mark Corrigan thing you've ...

Stop asking me if I have news. I do not have news.

The health anxiety stage

Understandably you’ve started thinking about your health, but maybe you’re getting a bit obsessive.

If you have gone vegan, quit smoking, stopped drinking alcohol for the foreseeable future, have started running 10Ks every week and are currently doing a 30 day yoga challenge (snap!) – maybe you should take a breath sis?!

I like to run [away from my problems] (@bruisersbill) by ...

The positive health bits are brilliant and well done you, but don’t burn yourself out. Health anxiety may also take the form of believing every ache, pain, headache, and cough are leading to the worst case scenario. Get off Google. Now.

The self care stage

Oh we STAN for the self care bits. With all of this extra time, there is nothing like a weekend face mask, hair mask, mani, pedi, full shave, exfoliate, moisturize, into fresh pjs followed by into fresh sheets.

There’s nothing wrong with the self care stage. We love her. If you haven’t already hit this stage, what are you honestly doing?

The Self-Love Checklist: 50 Ways to Self-Care Every Damn Day ...

The “the fear” stage

The “the fear” stage is dark. This is the “Oight I’m going to get a full eight hours of sleep tonight” mood. You get cosy. You prepare to snooze. You’re excited to stop abusing your circadian rhythm.

BUT THEN

Your mind fills with every embarrassing thing you have ever done, every ex, every text. The way you weirdly pronounced endorphins that one time, the time you fell in public, the time you quit your waitressing job because your boss wouldn’t let you go on a yoga retreat with your mom. WHATEVER. WHATEVER IT IS, IT’S INSIDE YOUR PSYCHE NOW AND NOW IT’S 3AM AND YOU’RE WONDERING IF YOUR EX THERAPIST IS OKAY AND WOULD IT BE WEIRD TO TEXT THEM.

It would be weird. Very weird.

The “the fear” stage is a great cause for fear. Busy yourself with walks and podcasts. Do not let cringey past in. Onwards.

The best 3am memes :) Memedroid

Feelings

Ugh, so inconvenient. Feelings are gross.

You may find yourself emotional. That’s okay. Pop on a bit of Adele and let her rip. Some of us who never/rarely cry may be finding that we’re having an impromptu weep every now and then.

Previous to COVID, I personally cried about 3 times a year. I now cry approximately three times a week but I make it tactical, some people have tactical vomits when they’re hungover, I have tactical cries, it’s like a little brain detox and it’s very helpful. Don’t be afraid of it.

Tina Fey surprises her biggest fans and SHUT UP, I'M NOT CRYING ...

Acceptance

Sure this is it lads. This is the craic. The craic is not 90 but there are a lot of great people out there doing great things for us so our lives can go back to normal and we can potentially stop acting so eccentric, including myself here. That’s acceptance for you.

Inspirational quotes – truly personal - Singline & Co

Things I’m grateful for this week

  • Normal People (Sally Rooney)
  • @connellschain
  • Three Women (Lisa Taddeo)
  • Potatoes
  • New notebooks
  • Love
  • The sounds of waves hitting a shore
  • Finding a song you forgot about
  • Finding a photo you forgot about
  • Voice notes that are over ten minutes long

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