We missed week 16 because I was coming up with a game plan for how I was going to be a better anti-racist person. It’s an on-going process, it will always be an on-going process, but I didn’t feel like sharing what feels like my very trivial day to day given how genuinely shit and uncomfortable the last two weeks have been, and that’s coming from someone who is to never feel what people of colour feel on a first hand level.
Last week, I didn’t feel like I was going to do a good job at articulating myself with everything that has been happening and materializing since the death of George Floyd. This week, I wanted to share what I worry about vs. what I don’t worry about as a means of unpacking my white privilege.
What I worry about (in no particular order):
- I worry about money
- I worry about whether people *actually* like me
- I worry about climate change
- I worry about the sad looking dogs I see tied outside grocery stores
- I worry about whether my email sounded blunt and whether I should have added a smiley emoji
- I worry about ageing
- I worry about dying
- I worry for Britney Spears
- I worry about whether or not I’m intelligent
- I worry about whether or not I have enough friends
- I worry about every time I have embarrassed myself in the last seven years
- I worry about whether or not I’m looking at too many screens
- I worry about whether I’m reaching my full potential
- I worry about other people’s happiness
- I worry that I’m actually a shit writer and the ticking clock of when I’m going to get a call from a glossy women’s magazine to come and be their columnist will never come and suddenly I’m 90 and it’s all over
- I worry about how bad I am at maths
- I worry about how inconsistent and scary life can be sometimes
- I worry about typos in my work
- I worry that my boyfriend will decide I’m annoying
- I worry that I might actually be extremely annoying
- I worry that I left the cooker on
- I worry that I left the hair straightener on, even though I haven’t straightened my hair in six months
- I worry about the housing shit show in Dublin
- I worry about the recession that is 100% coming all of our ways
- I worry about which breed of dog I’ll own when I grow up
- I worry that I’ll still not know how to drive by the age of 40
- I worry that I will never stop vaping and nicotine will be my life long partner in crime
- I worry that if I don’t figure out how to type correctly my two index fingers will shrivel up and die
- I worry that it’s obvious to everyone having written the above list that I’m not as confident as I seem
Things I don’t worry about (in no particular order):
- I don’t worry about police stopping me in the street
- I don’t worry about the police hurting me
- I don’t worry about the police murdering me
- I don’t worry about people staring at me because I look different
- I don’t worry about not getting the job because of my skin colour
- I don’t worry about getting paid less because of my skin colour
- I don’t worry about people treating me differently because of my skin colour
- I don’t worry about racial slurs being thrown at me
- I don’t worry about racial violence towards me
- I don’t worry about feeling accepted by those around me, whether it be in the workplace or otherwise
Up until now, I don’t think I have worried enough about racism, because it doesn’t affect me. I am a white, educated female who still manages to have a lot to worry about even though, overall I love my life and am very grateful for it. I think that people of colour worry about the same things that I worry about ON TOP OF ALL OF THE OTHER HORRIFYING SHIT THEY NEED TO WORRY ABOUT.
Racism will never be something I need to worry about firsthand, but I will no longer be viewing these issues through the prism that by not being a racist asshole, I am contributing to a better society. It’s not enough to sit pretty and say “I’m not racist, I’m woke!” I will no longer be so naive to think that because all the people I know and love are not racist, it must not be much of an issue anymore.
Racism is alive and kicking and its kicking hard. There is no avoiding it. It might be uncomfortable for white people to accept that we are contributing to white supremacy by being anything but active, but we are, we are contributing to white supremacy by being complacent. It’s time to move, shake, make noise, listen more, learn more and be proactive. I’m checking myself. I hope you’re checking yourself too.
Things I’m grateful for this week:
I’m grateful to anyone who is trying their best to make a difference, now and into the future x 10. I won’t paraphrase the voices of those I have been listening to, I will let them do the talking below:
Superb!
Sent from my iPhone
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